What’s the most sensitive part of a man’s anatomy while he’s masturbating?

His ears.

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Whats the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?

U only need one nail to hang up the picture.

See^youinhell

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What’s the worst way to break up with a blind person?

“I think we should see other people”

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An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

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What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

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When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant I started crying.

I know how it feels to grow up without a father!

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Police are like a box of chocolates

They'll kill your dog.

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