My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

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What do a gay Mexican and a highschool nerd have in common?

They both do their essays.

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The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones?

So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”

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I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop...

... and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "£100 and it's yours."

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A Vegan, a Crossfitter and a Fortnite player walked into a bar

I only know because they told everyone twice within 5 minutes.

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I went to the doctor with hearing problems..

He said "can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Aye, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair!"

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Van Plows Into Crowd In Northern German City Of Münster, Killing At Least 2

Van Plows Into Crowd In Northern German City Of Münster, Killing At Least 2
Local news outlets said that police were already deployed in larger-than-normal numbers in the city center that afternoon to keep watch over a pro-Kurdish demonstration.

April 8, 2018 at 03:50AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2H4qhut

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