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Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 4, 2018

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

War isn't about about who's right...

It's about who's left.

Went to see a marriage counselor today. He asked me to name something that the wife and I had in common.

Apparently, “neither of us suck dick” was the wrong answer....

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I phoned the Child Abuse Hotline.

A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.

Girls treat me like God

They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.

What do pigs use when they get hurt?

Oink-ment

(My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)