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Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 4, 2018

A man steps into a bar

A man steps into a bar and orders a beer. "o-o-o-one b-beer p-p-please."

The Bartender responds "Hey buddy. I used to stutter all the time too, but it stopped right after my wife gave me a blowjob. I suggest you try the same."

After the man hears this, he quickly drinks his beer and leaves. The next day the man comes to the bar again. "o-o-o-one b-beer p-p-please."

The bartender chuckles "My suggestion didn't work, did it?"

The man responds "n-n-no b-b-but y-you h-have a n-n-nice h-h-house."

My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000

She must think I'm crazy!!

I called the police to report a murder in my front yard but they refused to respond

They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself

A beer bottle, a mirror, and a condom are all talking to each other....

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Joke I heard from a 99 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.