Ans: Blowjob. You can beat an egg, you can beat the odds, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Thứ Sáu, 20 tháng 4, 2018
Thứ Năm, 19 tháng 4, 2018
The Spanish assassin
There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.
One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean, leave no trace. And since I'm a big fan of your legend, I'd like to be there when you assassinate the target". The assassin agrees.
With carefully planned tactics, the assassin infiltrates the rival gang on the pretence of capturing the mob leader. Finally, in the room with the mob leader and the rival leader, the assassin aims his pistol at the target and counts.
*uno*
*dos*
*BANG*
The rival drops dead.
"But I thought you count to three", said the mob leader. "Sí" replied the assassin. "But you said leave no tres".
EDIT: Formatting
I bumped into an old school friend today
I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she's a fucking optician."
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
The redhead is mortified. "Oh my, I am so sorry," she says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.
He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can't believe his luck. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
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