“Those are deer tracks!” Said the first.
“No! They’re antelope tracks!” Said the second
“Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks!”said the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 5, 2018
A priest and a rabbi are traveling in a airplane full of kids when the engine blows up...
...It is an emergency and the plane is going to crash. They both rush to don the only 2 emergency parachutes.
Rabbi: We are holy men. We deserve to live.
Priest: What about the kids?
Rabbi: Fuck the kids.
Priest: Do you think there is time?
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.
A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked.
Man, she is fine!"
The biker looked at him and didn't say a word.
His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing.
His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor
of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job. A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his sword and SWISH!, the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two. What a feat! exclaimed the Emperor. Number two Samurai, show me what you can do. The Chinese Samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box releasing a fly. He drew his sword and SWISH!SWISH, the fly fell to the floor, neatly quartered.
"That is skill," nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number Three?" The Jewish Samurai, Obi-wan-Cohen stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his sword and SWOOOOOOOOOOSH, flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room, but the fly was still buzzing around.
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly is not dead!" "Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
Thứ Tư, 2 tháng 5, 2018
My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
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