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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.

Thứ Sáu, 4 tháng 5, 2018

The proper way to call someone a bastard

Fred was about to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer (George) approached and asked if he could join him. Fred said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first few holes.

George said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" Fred said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed.

George easily won the remaining 16 holes. They walked off number eighteen while George counted his $80.00. He then confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and “liked to pick on suckers.”

Fred, shocked, revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic and offered to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square I was foolish to bet with you. Keep your winnings."

The embarrassed pro asked, "Please, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them.”

Fuck and Weight loss

A fat man saw an ad in a newspaper..... "Lose 5kg in a week."

He called the company & lady said.. "be ready tomorrow at 6am." The next morning he opened the door & found a beautiful girl with shoes & skirt saying "u catch me, u fuck me!" & the girl started running. He started chasing but didn't catch her.

During the whole week he tried to catch her but couldn't. However he lost 5 kg. He then asked for the 10kg program.

Next morning at 6 am he opened the door & saw an even more beautiful girl in shoes & a skirt saying "u catch me, u fuck me". He lost 10kg that week. So he thought this program was awesome! And decided to try the 25kg!!

So he asked for the 25kg but the lady said "R u sure? its really tough!" he said "YES!"

Next day at 6 am he opened the door, he found a huge black man saying "If I catch u, I will fuck u!"

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on.

He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

That awkward moment when you're having sex with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"

Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?

Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 5, 2018

How do you make an old lady say "Fuck"?

Get another old lady to yell "Bingo!"

All women are sex objects

Whenever I mention sex, they object.