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Thứ Sáu, 4 tháng 5, 2018

A man suspects his wife is cheating on him....

One day while he was at work, he dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The man says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid", said the man.

The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is his husband. Is she there?"

The maid replied, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband."

The man is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $100,000?"

The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot that whore and the asshole she's with."

The maid puts the phone down. The man hears footsteps and then gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone and asks, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."

After a long pause the man asks, "Is this 732-4621?"

I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

If you masturbate after smoking pot...

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Did you know pigeons die when they have sex?

At least the one i had with did.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

My father uses reddit

I guess it's heredditary.