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Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 5, 2018

My wife keeps using the old ‘men can’t multitask’ stereotype..

So i said “that’s a lie.. I can make love to you AND think of your sister at the same time”

The First Lady was touring a hospital one day.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the First Lady. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the First Lady.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, she screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same condition, better health plan."

Thứ Hai, 7 tháng 5, 2018

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling...

The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?" The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

The bar is ten minutes from my house...

However, my house is two hours from the bar...

My trampoline died today

RIP

Went to the sperm clinic earlier

The lady asked ‘would you like to masturbate in the cup?’

I replied ‘I’m good, I’m not ready to compete in a tournament yet.’