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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.

Thứ Tư, 9 tháng 5, 2018

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s.

Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

Letter to God

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. 

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: 

Dear God, 

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. 

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? 

Sincerely, Edna 

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. 

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. 

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.  It read:

Dear God, 

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. 

P.S. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna.

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...

Dad: peels the first strip of the banana peel... "One skin" Peels the second strip... "Two skin" "Three skin" "Five skin"

Me: "What happened to the Four skin"

Dad: "Jewish banana"

I was twelve and I finally figured it out....

Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 5, 2018

What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.