Hey baby, are you a GPU?

Cause I wanna make you mine.

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My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying ‘here comes the train’, and we always used to eat it straight away

Otherwise she wouldn’t untie us from the tracks

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An husband comes home to his wife of 20 years

Husband: Darling, I’m home and I brought you some aspirins.

Wife: But I don’t have a headache.

Husband: Then let’s fuck.

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My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

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Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

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What weighs more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman?

The woman. They always lie about their weight.

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Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters!

This month, lunch is on me :)

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