She sees him holding a very nice bouquet of flowers and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says “This is for the flowers!”
“Don’t be silly” says her boyfriend, “you must have a vase somewhere!”
Thứ Tư, 30 tháng 5, 2018
A duck walks into a bar...
He sits at the bar and requests 'A pint of beer and a pork pie please'
The barman is aghast. A talking duck! 'Wow, where did you come from?' he asks.
'I work across the road at the building site' replies the duck annoyed. He ruffles his newspaper and begins to read. The barman is in shock but lets him continue uninterrupted. The duck eats his food, pays and leaves.
All week the duck comes in and orders the same pint and a pork pie. The barman is amazed, but can't bring himself to interrupt the duck during his meal.
Saturday rolls by and the duck doesn't come in - obviously not working at the building site on the weekend. However, the circus is in town and in walks the circus ringmaster for a pint.
The barman says to the ringmaster 'you won't believe what I've seen this week, a talking duck!'
'Wow! That's incredible' says the ringmaster.
'Yeah, he walks in every lunchtime for a pork pie and a pint - it's amazing'
'That is amazing' agrees the ringmaster. He hands the barman his card and says 'tell him to get in touch with me, I could have some work for a talking duck!'
So Monday rolls round as as expected, in walks the duck - who orders his pork pie and a pint as usual.
The barman sheepishly picks up the card and says 'sorry to disturb you, but a circus ringmaster walked in the other day and I mentioned you've been in all last week. He told me to give you this, he might have some work for you.'
The duck looks confused and studies the card perplexed.
'So, the circus?' says the duck.
'Yeah, he came in on Saturday' says the barman.
'Where they all live in tents, with a big top and it's all made of canvas?'
'Yeah, that's right'
'Where all the humans walk free, and the animals live in cages?'
'I guess so... yeah'
The duck studies the card intently and pulls a face.
'What do they want a plasterer for?'
A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation...
Before long they're arguing...
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "For what?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "For what?!?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"
Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland.
She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
Had sex with my girlfriend a few days ago.[NSWF]
She told me to turn the light off and stick it in her butt.
I guess I should've waited for the bulb to cool down first.
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