Why do gay people smile so much?

It's hard for them to keep a straight face.

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I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line" Guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

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Girl: “Come over”

Guy: “Im coming over”

Girl: “We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over”

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Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

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How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One... Or two?

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My wife and I decided to not have kids

the kids took it pretty hard

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