It's Dale's last day as a postman

25 years he's been delivering the mail to the same neighborhood. When it was time to retire, he let everyone know ahead of time, that way if there was an issue with their mail, they new it would be a new letter carrier. As he made his way along his route, he found little going away gifts from some the people. In one mailbox he found a set of fly fishing lures, in another he found a box of cigars and yet another a flask with his initials on it when he came to a home that had been recently purchased by a young couple. Upon opening the mailbox he...

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Three old ladies are sitting on a bench...

... when a man came up and flashed them. Two of the ladies immediately had a stroke, but the other couldn't quite reach....

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Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.

Him: Ok. And for the main course?...

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Guy calls in on radio show

Guy: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan' Host: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it? Guy: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan...

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A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills." Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet." The...

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Captain Hook is claiming that he was sexually assaulted by his first mate some years ago.

It's a classic case of he said, Smee said....

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A man walks into a Large & popular Pet Shop and says to the owner......

"All right, I want to buy a pet, but something special,something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?" says the man "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 75 dollars. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home. After getting home, he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello Mr. Centipede, fancy going to the bar for a few drinks?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the...

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