Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Thứ Năm, 21 tháng 6, 2018
Dr. Goldberg
Dr. Goldberg was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor.As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall. He was most embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just long enough to deliver his paper.
He ignored the thunderous applause and raced out the stage door, never to return to his home town again, until many years later, when his elderly mother was ill and he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Smith and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Smith?"
Dr. Goldberg replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
"Haven't you visited since?" asked the desk clerk.
"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return.”
Trying his best to console him, the desk clerk replied "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too.”
Dr. Goldberg replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident.”
The clerk asked, "Was it a long time ago?"
Dr. Goldberg replied, "Yes, many years.”
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Goldberg Fart?"
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
So a man wakes up one morning wildly late for work...
Realizing the time, he threw on some clothes and ran out the door as fast as he could. He hops in his car and speeds off, driving much faster than he should have been. During his ride, he goes beneath an overpass, where a police officer happened to be parked that day. Noticing the maniac speeding down the road,the police officer pulls out, sirens blazing. The man pulls over as soon as he notices.
The police officer walks up to the car and asks, "Sir, do you know how fast I just clocked you at?"
The man replied, "Probably too fast, officer. I'm sorry, I'm really late for work and I had an important client coming in for an appointment.."
The officer cuts him off, saying, "What is it exactly you do that warrants that kind of rush?"
The man replied, "Well sir, I'm an asshole stretcher."
"A what??"
"An asshole stretcher. People pay for my services in doing exactly that. Today we were going to go through the steps of my client's upcoming procedure."
"Why would he need that explained, though?"
"Well, it's a fairly long, strenuous, and complicated process, requiring thousands of dollars of expensive equipment and the knowledge of how to use all of it. This particular client was going to be my most challenging procedure yet, as he wanted me to stretch his asshole to around six feet!"
The officer seemed rather perplexed at this point. After a long, awkward silence, he asks, "But what the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
The man replied, "You give them radar guns and put them under bridges."
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)