My dad always said, "No news is good news"

Great guy, awful journalist.

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What was the codename for the transition from Obama to Trump?

Orange is the new black

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Why does the Norway navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandanavian.

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My wife left a note on the refrigerator for me...

"It's not working anymore. I just don't know what to do. I'm going to stay with my mother for awhile."

I opened the door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?

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My wife suggested I look into getting a penis enlarger...

So I did. She’s 24 and her name is Heather.

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V

Sorry lost control there

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What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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