Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 7, 2018

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear.

He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me." The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?" "I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was miserable. But then..." He laughs. "Then my life changed! I had to put it all behind me. I always wanted to live in California, so I sold everything I had, broke my lease, and moved here. I got an apartment right over there across from the bar, and just today I landed my dream job." He drains half his beer, "Life is...

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each. The first says "Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me." The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily. Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells "Make a shower of meat all over the place." Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up. The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars "Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"...

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of famous quotes...

...Teacher says, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Johnny raises his hand first but teacher calls on Susie instead, "Abraham Lincoln!" "That's right Susie, you can go home. Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Again, Johnny raises his hand first but the teacher allows Mary to answer first, "Martin Luther King!" "That's right Mary, you can go home early." The teacher asks another question, "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny even has a chance to raise his hand, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy"." "That's right Nancy,...

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!" The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."...

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater....

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner...

"Okay, I'm looking for a pet, but I'm not sure what I want. But I know I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?" says the man "I need it. How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is only $50 dollars. Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money, the pet shop owner puts the centipede in a matchbox and the man takes his new pet home. After getting home, he sets the match box with the centipede in it on his kitchen table, opens it and says, "Hello Mr. Centipede,...

A blonde is walking beside a railway track.

A brunette passes her on the tracks skipping and singing "21, 21, 21..." The blonde eagerly asks "May I join you?" The brunette nods, and says, "You may, but only if you can REALLY concentrate." "I can do that!" exclaims the blonde happily. And so, they both proceed to skip along the middle of the track, singing "21, 21, 21..." After some time, the brunette hears the whistle of a coming train behind them. So, she steps off the track. However, the blonde is concentrating so deeply on the singing and skipping, she is oblivious to fhe danger behind...