A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

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I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”

Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

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I would make a joke about greece's debt but...

I dont think it'll pay off.

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A man is running around a lake and sees a girl with no arms or legs. He does his first lap, and sees she is sad.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Well, I have no arms, no legs and I have never given anyone a hug."

He thought and gave her a hug. He did another lap. She was crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Well, I have no arms, no legs and I have never kissed anyone."

He thought and figured it wouldn't hurt. He gave her a kiss.

He did his final lap and she was bawling.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Well I have no arms, no legs, and never been fucked."

He thought long and hard. He picked her up, looked at her, and figured why not.

He threw her in the lake and yelled, "Now you're fucked aren't you?"

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Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

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I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought, "what would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.

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A woman’s on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How’s my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat’s dead."

The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down."

"Okay, I’m sorry," says the husband, "I’ll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how’s my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down."

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