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Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 7, 2018

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.

He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on". She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7, you're on 6". He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on". She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14. You are on 13". Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales". He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said "I sell tampons". He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said "You promised you wouldn't laugh". He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you".

Why is 'Dark' spelled with a K and not a C?

Because you can't C in the dark.

Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 7, 2018

Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

Wife vs. Girlfriend vs. Beard

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…

“Oh really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!!”

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in and shaved his face smooth.

That night James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife was awakened somewhat, felt his face and replied, “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said,

“You know, one would have been enough.”

A woman gets cheated by her husband.

A woman gets cheated by her husband.

Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She hears that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decides to go there to consult him.

After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he has left me for a young woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do".

The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he asks: "Was the cookie delicious?" "Yes"- she answers. "Do you want another one?" "Sure, please". The monk looks her in the eye and says "Do you see the problem now?"

The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speaks. "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, everything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed by that".

The monk shakes his head. "No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less."

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year