Now I have a Ford Focus.
Thứ Bảy, 21 tháng 7, 2018
A woman walked into a pharmacy...
...and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The woman then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license; they'll throw you and me in jail. Just leave and forget you ever came in here before I call the police
The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A horse and a hen are playing in a field...
One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is stuck. She throws a rope around the horse’s neck, and slams on the accelerator, saving the horse from sinking in the puddle.
A few days go by and they are playing in the field again. This time, the hen gets stuck.
Hen: “Help, go get the car like I did for you and help me out!”
The horse, realizing there isn’t much time since the hen is much smaller than he, stretches out over the length of the puddle.
Horse: Reach up and grab hold of my ‘thing’.
The hen obliges, and the horse starts to stand straight up to pull his friend out of the puddle.
The moral of this story is: If you’re hung like a horse, then you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Thứ Sáu, 20 tháng 7, 2018
Paddy broke his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, "How you doin'?"
Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed.
He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."
They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?"
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"
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