His master thought for a moment and replied: “A man who cleans his house, clearly expects a visitor.”
Chủ Nhật, 22 tháng 7, 2018
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb.
I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"? He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".
I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"
She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings too and your comments can really hurt."
I looked at her, confused and said; "That's actually not what I was going to say at all."
"Oh.." she replied as a smile started to come across her face. "What were you going to say?"
"That's not how you spell manatee."
Two guys and a girl become shipwrecked on a deserted island...
...but fortunately there is plenty of food and fresh water. Over the next few months, they build a little community: all three craft little huts out of sticks and leaves, and they fairly split up all the tasks and chores essential to their survival. They even build a little church where they go to pray every Sunday.
But after a little while, everyone gets, well, restless. To be blunt, they're all horny and have no sexual outlets. Being devoutly religious people, pre-marital sex is out of the question.
So, they come up with a system. The woman marries one of the men for a week, then gets a divorce and marries the other man for a week. They just go back and forth like this. This way, each of the guys get seven days full of sex every other week, and the girl gets laid whenever she wants.
This situation works out great, and their three-person community is thriving. But after eight months of this, the woman gets bit by a poisonous snake and dies.
The first week is really rough. The second week is even worse. The third week is just plain terrible. The fourth week is practically unbearable. So on the fifth week, they decide to bury the body.
Two hunters are tracking a deer when they stumble upon a deep hole...
They can’t see the bottom of this hole and were wanting to see how deep it went. One of the hunters found an anvil next to the hole and threw it down. They were waiting to hear the thud of the anvil hitting the ground but they didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, the hunters heard a charging sound. The hunters turned around and see a goat charging at them going at least 20 mph. They jump out of the way and barely dodge the charging goat. It fell into the hole. Walking away, somewhat distraught, they met a farmer walking around. The farmer asked if either of the hunters saw a goat around there. One of the hunters said “ya, it charged right past me and I dodged it and the goat fell into the hole.” “That’s weird,” said the farmer, “I tied him to an anvil.”
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