Three redditors link up for the weekend and hit a brothel outa town.

They walk into the venue and take a seat. The Madame greets them and rings a bell... Out come three scantily clad girls.

"You should know", says the Madame, "to give the client a 'real experience', we don't use condoms here".

The redditors look at each other for a second, then nod and agree to carry on.

"You should know", continues the Madame, "as a consequence, all of our girls have many children".

The redditors give each other an uncertain look, before the Madame continues...

"You should know, you might want to avoid anal. The girls are all suffering from a bad ass infection at the moment."

Two of the redditors watch in horror as one guy gets up and disappears into a room with all three girls!

"What the hell is he doing?" asks one of the redditors.

"Well..." shrugs the other one, "he is OP... username checks out"

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I Tried Ketamine To Treat My Depression. Within A Day, I Felt Relief

I Tried Ketamine To Treat My Depression. Within A Day, I Felt Relief
How the veterinary anesthetic and recreational drug saved me from suicidal thoughts.

July 24, 2018 at 09:02PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2mKN5E9

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An old Jew is walking along, sees a lamp, picks it up and rubs it...

A genie pops out and says, "For freeing me I will grant you one wish."

The old Jew pulls out a map and points to it. "You see this area? This is called the Middle East. There's been nothing but death, destruction and bloodshed for thousands of years. Could you do something about that?"

The genie thinks a moment and replies, "Even with my great powers, I cannot do this. Is there something else I can do for you?"

"Well," says the man "my wife and I have been marries for over 35 years and she's never given me a blowjob. Do you think you could...you know... get her to do that for me?"

The genie pauses and says, " Lemme take another look at that map."

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A dentist is terrified of women

A dentist's father raised his son alone since his wife had cheated on him. He always told his son to avoid women like the plague.

One day, a beautiful woman is shown in to the dentist's exam room. She is quite flirtatious with the dentist and makes no secret of the fact that she's interested.

She asks the dentist if he'd like to go out sometime.

"I'm flattered," he says, "but I don't date. My father warned me about women."

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"Well, women just want to seduce you and get you in bed. Then they bite your penis off with the teeth in their vagina!"

The woman laughs and assures the dentist that no such thing is true, but he doesn't believe her.

To prove her point, she hoists her skirt up, pulls back her panties, and shows him. "See? No teeth!"

"No wonder," the dentist says. "Look at the condition of those gums!"

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Skinny irish man and a black guy in an elevator

Skinny little Irish man goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irish man staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irish man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me...... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irish man says: 'Turner Brown?! .... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!!!!

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A passenger airliner just landed at Glasgow airport...

...and after coming to a halt, the Pilot does his customary speech, but forgets to switch the intercom off.

The Co-pilot asks the Pilot what he has got planned for the rest of the evening, and the Pilot replies, "First up I am going for a shite and then I am gonnae ride the arse off that new wee stewardess" , unaware every passenger has just heard him.

The wee stewardess is mortified and starts to run up to the cockpit to confront him, but trips and falls right before the cockpit door. A wee Glasgow women helps her up and says, "Take yer time love, he`s going fur a shite first"

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They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...

They didn't install the driver.

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