“Great,” he said “ I won $12 yesterday. Here’s $6. Stay in touch.
Thứ Sáu, 27 tháng 7, 2018
During World War 2, three generals were arguing over who had the best soldiers.
The British general called one of his men over.
“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”
“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.
He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, took aim and fired, destroying the tank all the while under heavy fire from the enemy trenches.
“See, British soldiers are the bravest.”
“That’s nothing” said the Russian General
“Comrade! See that enemy soldier manning that machine gun there? Run across the mines into the trenches and kill him with a knife.”
“Da, Comrade General!”
The russian soldier bravely charges across the minefield under heavy fire, jumped into the trenches fought his way through many enemy soldier then being shot many times from the machine gun nest before reaching that soldier and slicing his throat after a bloody brawl.
“Nobody more brave than Russian soldier.”
The American general, unimpressed said “Let me show you all what real courage is.”
He calls one of his men over.
“Private! See that enemy command post over there? I want you to run naked across the minefields, fight your way through the trenches, go to the command post and kill the commanding officer bare handed!”
Without hesitation, the American soldier flips him the bird and says
“Go fuck yourself, General.”
“See! Now that takes some real balls!”
Thứ Năm, 26 tháng 7, 2018
A man was sun bathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.
A women walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
It was a dark, stormy, night.
The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, Good Evening, Sir!”
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening soldier, nice night, isn’t it?”
Well it wasn’t a nice night, but the Private wasn’t going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied “Sir, Yes Sir!”.
The General continued, “You know there’s something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it’s really relaxing. Don’t you agree?”
The Private didn’t agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded “Sir, an amazing night, Sir!”
The General, pointing at the dog, “This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.”
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said “Sir, It is the best, Sir!”
The General continued “I got this dog for my wife.”
The Private simply said “Sir, Good trade Sir!”
Just asked Siri.
"Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
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