Because I’m not really sure where I’m going with this
Thứ Bảy, 28 tháng 7, 2018
little Johnny goes to confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "Well what'd you get?"
Johnny says "Four months vacation and five good leads..."
Every Major Diet Soda, Ranked By How (un)Healthy They Are
Every Major Diet Soda, Ranked By How (un)Healthy They Are
Spoiler alert: They're all just fizzy cancer juice.
July 27, 2018 at 08:33PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2OnXn9O
A man walks into a brothel
He's a little down on his luck and only has $5. He asks the woman at the front desk,
"So what can I get with this?" and hands her the $5.
She takes the money and says, "Second door on the left."
The man goes to the room and sees a chicken on the bed. He's confused and searches the room for a woman. He fails to do so and looks at the chicken.
"Well, I guess it's better than nothing." He proceeds to have sex with the chicken. Turns out it was the best he's ever had.
A week later he comes back with $1.
"So, uhh, what can I get for this?"
The woman at the front desk says, "First room on the left."
He walks into the room and sees a bunch of guys crowded around a hole in the wall. He gets a chance to peek through and sees two sexy lesbians getting it on.
"Man, they're really going at it," he says, "This is pretty crazy."
One guy from the crowd says, "Oh that's nothing. You should have been here last week, there was a dude fucking a chicken."
A mom is driving her 6 year old daughter to her friend's house when...
the daughter asks "Mom, how old are you? The mother replies "That's not a polite question to ask a lady, dear." Undaunted, the daughter asks "Okay, but how much do you weight?" Again the mother replies "Honey, that's a very impolite question!" Persistently, the daughter asks "Okay mom, one last question. Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "That is a very rude questions!" Says the mom, exacerbated, "That's enough from you, young lady!"
Later, the daughter tells her friend about the conversation she had with her mom and the friend has a suggestion: "Take a look at her driver's license," says the friend, "It's like a report card for adults. It has all that stuff on it!"
Later that night, the daughter says to her mom "I know how old you are. You are 34! And you weigh 140 pounds!"
"How in the world did you know that?" The mother says, shocked.
"I also know why daddy divorced you!" says the daughter, triumphantly.
"And why's that?!" says the mother.
"You got an F in sex"
Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced...
and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks. "Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear. "Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge. "I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear. "Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge. "Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawking.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
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