I had a flat tire the other day...

I had a flat tire on the I-95 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk.

I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work on the side of the road. People honked and waved, and it wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.

He wanted to know what the heck I was doing, so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat. He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck the naked cardboard men were doing standing at the rear of my car. I couldn't believe he didn't know! So I told him .... "Well, I explained to the angry Policeman .... They're my Emergency Flashers!!!!"

I go to court in August.

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A young woman in New York...

... was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

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France Outlaws Lewd Catcalls To Women In Public Amid Attack Uproar

France Outlaws Lewd Catcalls To Women In Public Amid Attack Uproar
France voted to outlaw sexual harassment on the streets, leaving cat-callers and aggressively lecherous individuals facing potential on-the-spot fines of up to 750 euros as part of tougher legislation to fight sexual violence.

August 2, 2018 at 08:42PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2n3eyRr

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We should have known Communism would fail.

There were a lot of red flags.

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What does a slutty horse wear on its hooves?

Whoreshoes.

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We’ll, we’ll, we’ll…

…if it isn’t autocorrect.

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My wife won’t like this.

While riding my Harley, to avoid hitting a deer, I lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when, a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed, she want to help me.. "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come on, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very kind. Being sort of shaken , I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold drinks and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, " Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess”

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