A funny joke indeed

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

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I heard my daughter say her first words to me today...

"where have you been in the last 20 years?"

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A police officer searched me in a public toilet last night...

...and found a small bag of class A drugs. “It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.” “Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed. I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!” “Go on then.” He smiled, handing me the bag. After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.” “What for?” I asked. He said, “The drugs.” I said, “What drugs?

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What do you feed a gay horse?

Haaaaaaayyy

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Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And all the realm realized, instantly, that it was Sam, and Sam was the first person in history to hit one of the rumored Magical Notes that musicians had theorized must exist... yet no one before Sam had ever reached one.

And on Sam's 20th birthday, it happened again. This time, the town below was so impacted that no one moved, spoke, or even blinked for several minutes after. As the golden sound finally tapered off and ceased, they knew that Sam had found the Second Note...

And the next year on Sam's birthday, the town had realized there was a pattern involved. This time, all of the townspeople were present in the monastery's nave, watching in awe, as Sam hit the glorious Third Note. People cried out in pure joy as the sound grew to a glorious crescendo. Words cannot do justice to the experience. The town flourished, as Sam's notes made the people pure all the way to the core of their beings.

And on it went for the next few years, the Magical Notes growing sweeter and sweeter... until, that is, Sam's 25th birthday. All at first seemed as normal... until Sam hit the Magical Note. From the start, Sam seemed very uncomfortable, and this new sound was not beautiful... it was jarring and discordant. Sam started to get very warm, and was visibly sweating onstage. He doubled his resolve and dug deeper, to get to the sweet part of the Magical Note that he knew must be there.

Suddenly, to the horror of all, Sam spontaneously combusted! The two closest monks on stage were burned by the flames coming off of his body, and he ignited the stage curtains. Soon the entire monastery was aflame. By a miracle, everyone made it out, except for poor Sam.

The townsfolk were left staring at the burning monastery in sad, stunned disbelief.

The mayor approached the lead monk of the order. "What happened?" he asked, exasperated.

The old monk shook his head sadly. "Isn't it obvious?" he said. "Sam sung Note 7."

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Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me

It means a lot

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There once was a man named Mr. Gay who went to the airport...

Mr Gay approached the ticket counter and asked if there were any seats left for a flight to Miami. This would be a last minute flight as his schedule had suddenly freed up and he was now able to visit his elderly mother on her birthday. The lady at the counter smiled as she searched, but she had some bad news. There was one seat left on the only flight to Miami, but it was a low priority seat and he might be bumped if anyone else bought a ticket. Figuring that this was better than nothing, Mr. Gay purchased the ticket and went to the gate.

A couple of hours later, Mr. Gay boarded the plane. What luck! He had not been bumped from the flight and it looked like he was going to make it to Miami for his mother's birthday. He was seated on an aisle seat when he noticed that a gentleman in the row in front of him, sitting by the window, was sweating profusely and fidgeting in his seat.

"Are you alright, sir?" Mr. Gay asked.

The nervous man replied, "I have a terrible fear of flying, and I usually request an aisle seat, but because this airplane is so full, they sat me at the window and now I'm scared out of my wits."

"We can't have that," Mr. Gay said with a smile, "I will gladly switch seats with you so that you can have a more comfortable flight."

With a relieved sigh, the nervous man thanked him and switched seats with him.

A few more minutes went by as they waited for the plane to leave the terminal. The captain came on the PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, our apologies, but it seems that we have oversold this flight and our flight attendants will now be asking certain passengers to deplane at this time."

Mr. Gay sank in his seat. He knew that they would be coming for him. Sure enough, the flight attendant came down the aisle, but walked right past him. Mr. Gay had the sudden realization, that they were heading for his prior seat.

The flight attendant tapped the shoulder of the man that Mr. Gay had traded seats with.

"Sir," the flight attendant asked, "Are you Gay?"

The man in the seat seemed surprised, but then sheepishly nodded his head and said, "Uh... yes, I-I am, but..."

"I'm afraid you have to get off the plane, sir."

Mr. Gay stood up. "Wait!" He said, "You don't understand! I'M Gay!"

A very feminine man a couple of rows over stood up and slung his head back. "Honey, I'm gay too and they can't throw us all off this bitch!"

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