FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I’m holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.
Agnes, a middle-aged New York widow is feeling very lonely one day, so she decides to bite the bullet and try internet dating. Her initial attempts don't go very well, as most of the contact she receives varies from dick pics to guys asking for nudes. She's about to give up when one day she's contacted by a very polite, kind seeming gentleman named Odaka from Nigeria. They chat for weeks, even video-conferencing, and she eventually discovers that he is actually a king is his country and that his former spouse had also passed some years before. All the woman's friends warn her that the relationship is probably a scan, but the man seems so earnest that she ignores them.
One day, her online paramour announces that he is coming to visit her in the USA. Her friends insist that they accompany her to the airport when she meets him, still mindful of scams. To their surprise, the man arrives in a private jet with a royal entourage. He is indeed a king!
Feeling embarrassed, they do their best to make up for their doubt and fully support the couple. Agnes and her lover have a great time. He loves America and is in wonder with some of the big city. Despite being king - he explains - he has never left his home city, which is not very large and is quite isolated. Agnes and the king move in together and are very happy.
After awhile, though, the relationship starts to feel strained. Odaka is becoming increasingly distant, and seems to be very unhappy.
Worried, Agnes asks him what's wrong, but he half-heatedly assures her all is fine.
This goes on for awhile, and finally the friends intervene.
Is something wrong between him and Agnes, they wonder.
Odaka assures them that Agnes is the more lovely woman he's ever known, and that it's not her fault
Worriedly, they ask if their previous distrust has driven a wedge between the couple, but Odaka tells them that he understands and that he is very happy with the support they've given them since his arrival.
What then, they ask, is the problem.
Well, he tells them: "Agnes is incredible, and her friends are all very nice, but..."
The friends press him for an answer, worried that he may have a potential health issue or some other serious problem. Finally, he tells them:
"New York is a wonder and America a great country, but..."
"I miss the reigns down in Africa!"
They were all aged about 40.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waitresses there were pretty.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.
A little Muslim kid, crying, can't find his mother in a supermarket.
The store attendant asks, "What does your mother look like?"
The kid says.. "I have no fucking idea."
An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!
So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along the way, he sees dozens of noble warriors, bodybuilders and others laying on the ground, devastated. Their absolute and utter exhaustion is displayed clearly by the pools of sweat underneath them, and the sound of wheezing could be heard from over 50 yards away. The hero is now concerned, these men appear to be very strong and fit, but he is more so than all of them. A ways further and he sees Hercules, Chuck Norris, and even Atlas, who held up the entire world for countless years, receiving medical attention for their hands which are shaking uncontrollably. The hero is extremely worried, and heavily considers turning back. If these great men could not best the challenge of strength, then how could I? But the prospect of becoming a god was too tempting, and he pressed forward.
The hero had finally reached Zeus who was holding a jar of peanut butter. "Welcome, great hero. If you wish to become a god you must complete 4 feats of strength. Here is a jar of peanut butter. Please open the jar without using any hot water." The hero took the jar, and while tight, presented no challenge as he opened it without a grimace.
"Very good" says Zeus. "For the next challenge, you must carry 8 bags of groceries in one trip, without dropping any or breaking the eggs." As a man, the hero has done this countless times before, so he was not particularly worried. He picked up 4 in one hand and 4 in the other, and carried them over to Zeus's refrigerator.
"You give me hope, challenger! Perhaps someone will be able to complete my challenges after all. The feats increase in difficulty, of course, so be prepared for this next one! I have lodged my sword in this slab of granite. Retrieve the sword for me and I will present you the final challenge." The hero begins to pull on the sword, and it is very difficult. He notices the sword wiggle slightly, which gives him just enough confidence to unlodge the sword using most of his might. He presents the sword to Zeus.
"Hero, you have completed the first 3 trials and only one remains. No mortal man has made it this far, and it is as far as Hercules, Chuck Norris, and all the great heroes have made it; but none have succeeded. Complete this, and you shall have a seat in the legendary Pantheon.
Zeus holds out his hand, and says "Here is an uncracked pistachio. Open it."