As a kid I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn’t afford a dog

Read More

Change your WiFi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone asks for it, you can say 12345678

Read More

"Fortnite" is a terrible name for a game.

It's too weak.

Read More

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve," says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Read More

Rape jokes aren't funny

Last night, I went to a bar and started drinking alone. I was making eye contact throughout the night with this girl who was alone and sitting 2 tables away. I got up and was making my way over to her until I heard some laughing by a group of guys.

One of them was telling a joke and said, "You don't have to kill your rape victims. If you do it properly, they do it themselves". The group exploded into laughter. I couldn't stand for this, I piped up, "Hey fuckfaces, rape isn't funny and shouldn't be made into jokes. Now shut the fuck up". The group fell quiet.

I decided to pay my tab and leave the bar and started walking home pissed. All of a sudden, the girl from the bar walked up alongside me and said, "I really appreciate what you did in there. I think it's an attractive quality in a man to know there are just some things that shouldn't be joked about, I want to go to your place with you." I said, "Sure."

Once we got there, we both sat on the couch, and I poured some wine for the both of us.

I moved in closer to her and placed my hand on her thigh, "You might as well just take off those pants cause we're gonna have sex anyway, whether or not you want to"

She asked, "Are you joking?"

I replied, "I don't joke about rape"

Read More

A man tries to rob a bank

Man: "Where is the money!"

Teller:

Man: "Where is the money!"

Teller:

Penn: "He always does this."

Read More

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded

"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

Read More