I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great,

I love being my own boss.

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Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

Everywhere.

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My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex..

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

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the cannibal said in his trial - “If I am what I eat..."

"Then I'm an innocent man"

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Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

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I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot".

What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.

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Why did God make man before He made woman?

Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

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