My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...

...do I keep the letters?

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What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

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A cell phone rings in a locker room, A man answers the phone...

He puts it on speaker

Man: "Hello!"

Woman: "Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes."

Woman: "I'm at the mall and I just saw this beautiful leather coat and it's only $2,000, can i have it?

Man: "Sure!"

Woman: "Oh, and I just stopped by at the Lexus dealership and saw a car I really liked, can I have it?

Man "How much is it?"

Woman: "$90 thousand."

Man: "Well if it's that much I want it with all the features."

Woman: "Of course I will! Oh yeah, one more thing. I just finished talking to Sarah, and the and the house I wanted is back on the market, they're asking $880 thousand for it."

Man: "Ok, make an offer for $900 thousand, if they don't take it offer them an extra $80K if that's what you really want."

Woman: " Thank you so much honey, love you, bye!"

Man: "Love you too, bye."

The man hung up, everyone in the locker room was staring at him in astonishment. The man then calmly looked around and asked "Ok... whose phone is this?"

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My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2

He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

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I once dated a girl with a twin

People ask me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and bob had a cock

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What do you call a hippies' wife?

Mississippi

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My wife just stopped and said, "You weren't even listening, were you?"

I thought, "That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

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