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Thứ Sáu, 17 tháng 8, 2018

Aretha Franklin, The Undisputed Queen Of Soul, Dies At Age 76


Aretha Franklin, The Undisputed Queen Of Soul, Dies At Age 76
Aretha Franklin — the first woman to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, dubbed the Queen of Soul for powerful anthems like "Respect" and "Chain of Fools" — died on Thursday at her home in Detroit.

August 16, 2018 at 10:26PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2vMMuXm

I think it's best to wear two different deodorants, one for each armpit

But that's just my two scents

A young couple dies in a car wreck on the way to their wedding.

They arrive in heaven where they are welcomed by Saint Peter. Before they are admitted to heaven they ask if they can get married in heaven.

Peter scratches his chin. “Hmm, I’m not sure. Let me find out.” He goes into heaven to find someone who might know.

Well he’s gone for a very long time, days at least. The young couple were starting to worry when Peter finally returns. He looks very flustered.

“Yes, you can get married.” He says.

So the couple go into heaven, get married, and enjoy the afterlife. However not long after they begin to realize how terrible eternity with the other person would be and decide to divorce.

They go to Saint Peter and asks if they can get a divorce in Heaven. Peter throws down his quill and growls in consternation.

“Do you know how long it took me to find a priest up here?! Now imagine how hard it’ll be to find a lawyer!”

A bike in town keeps running me over

It’s a vicious cycle

Thứ Năm, 16 tháng 8, 2018

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant
...so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow.
'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a candle for you,' he promises.
Time passes and the priest returns to the little town after 10 years. The first thing he does is visit the couple's home. He can hear a crazy loud noise when he knocks on the door. The wife opens the door; three little children on her arms, a couple of them hiding under her skirt, and others behind her playing around. The priest counts as many as ten of them!
'Well this is quite a pleasant surprise,' exclaims the priest. 'It seems like God listened to my prayer. But where is your dear husband?'
'My husband traveled to Rome,' says the wife with a tired look on her face.
'To Rome? Why on earth would he go to Rome?'
'To blow out that bloody candle you lit!'

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place

Saint Peter decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven.

It's a slow day, but most people are allowed to enter. Then a frail old man shows up. Jesus urges him to sit down and starts asking some questions. . "What did you do for a living", Jesus asks.

"I was a carpenter", the man replies.

"Did you have any family", Jesus asks.

"I had a son. He was attached to a wooden cross with holes in his feet and hands. Then he became alive."

Jesus starts tearing up, and asks with a somewhat broken voice "dad?"

The man looks up in surprise and responds. "Pinocchio?"

My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged

She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"

I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet