I’d be like “Yo, what’s with all these dimes?”
Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 8, 2018
A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...
The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.
The man realizes there could be benefits to either choice. Perhaps the box of novels could be about sailing or survival. On the other hand the criminals could be experienced in sailing or survival.
He decides the most important thing about either is gonna be how heavy they are. He is going to be using a really small boat and too much weight could slow him down or cause him to sink.
In order to figure out which one will benefit him the most he decides to weigh the prose and cons.
A frog goes to a bank.
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
An engineer dies and goes to hell...
He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheating. He mentions this to the little demon and suggests he could try to fix things. He also had a few ideas about redesigning the place to make it more efficient. The demon takes him to Lucifer, and Lucifer is enthusiastic about the whole idea and gives his permission.
A few months later God decides to visit Hell for an inspection. He is greeted by the new renovated Hell and he's absolutely speechless! The corridors are now well lit and properly ventilated. The air conditioning is working and the thermostat is fixed. The elevators are working again. There's no more loud noises of grinding and screeching coming from all the machinery. The lava spill has been contained. All the horrible fumes are now gone and the denizens of Hell use electric cars to travel. There's even a monorail being constructed. The electrical grid has gone geothermal. Cell coverage was full and there was even wifi. Not only that, but several clubs were under construction and there was already a kick-ass pool with attached jacuzzis. Some bulldozers were building a beach and a tropical-themed resort nearby. The condemned souls were enjoying their time playing sports in new gyms, walking in parks, racing with muscle cars, playing video games and doing all sorts of other activities.
God furiously works to Lucifer's office, kicks the door open and walks in
"What the hell is going on here Luci?"
"Well we got an engineer and he fixed the place up for us"
"You can't get engineers. Our contract clearly stipulates that all engineers belong with me in Heaven."
"Well too bad, I'm not giving him over"
"I'll take you to court you ungrateful bastard!"
"Ha, good luck finding a good lawyer up in your Heaven!"
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