...my fucking goldfish died.
Thứ Sáu, 24 tháng 8, 2018
unemployed
Guy works in the pickle factory, comes home after work and tells his wife, "Bad news, honey. I've been fired".
"What? Why? What happened?"
"Well, I've always wanted to put my penis in the pickle slicer and, well, today I finally did it."
"My god, no! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."
"What about the pickle slicer?"
"They fired her, too."
Hurricane Lane Is The Biggest Weather Threat To Hawaii In Decades
Hurricane Lane Is The Biggest Weather Threat To Hawaii In Decades
Over a million people in Hawaii are already seeing the first signs of Hurricane Lane, a Category 4 cyclone that could become the first major hurricane to make landfall there in 26 years.
August 23, 2018 at 07:40PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2BDNhzd
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears.
Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble. Johnny looked into the cot and said 'what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his eyesight?' The Baby's mother replied that it was perfect. Jonny replied 'That's good cos he'd be fucked if he needed glasses!'
I was picking up my girlfriend and her dad looked at me and said, "I want her home by midnight"
Then I looked at him and told him,"but you already own her home". He looked back at her and said,"if you're not gonna sleep with him, I will".
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will use twice a year
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