It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Thứ Hai, 10 tháng 9, 2018
A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room
He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling
Dad: Son what happened?
Son: it’s nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs
Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt
Son: yeah it’s because i was wearing it
A teacher asks the children in her class what they done at the weekend...
"I went out for the day, and rode on the choo choo", said Billy.
"Billy", said the teacher, "we don't use childish and immature language in my class. You rode on a train... Steve?"
"My dad and I went go-karting but I crashed and got a boo boo", said Steve.
"Steve, I just said we do not use immature and childish words. You injured yourself... And class, I don't want to hear any of you use silly, childish, immature words. Okay, Johnny?"
"My mum and dad took me to the cinema to see the new Christopher Robin film with that bear Winnie The Shit."
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
At one point, Mick the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
‘Damn,’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.
‘Damn, damn!’
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
‘By Jeebers… I’m a little crocked,’ he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, ‘No damn’ way’. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed!’ He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says ‘Damn it!’ and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’
Paddy says, ‘No Jess, what makes you say that?’
‘Mick phoned… you left your wheelchair at the pub
Serena Williams And The Game That Can't Be Won (Yet)
Serena Williams And The Game That Can't Be Won (Yet)
What rage costs a woman.
September 10, 2018 at 12:00AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2CCSKGY
I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.
In exchange for sex, i was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course i declined because i am a person with high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
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