My wife says she’s leaving me due to my obsession with porn,

I wish she would see it from my POV.

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I became a proud father today....

My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now

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A piece of string walks into a bar

The bar tender says “sorry we don’t serve you kind round here”

The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,

The bartender says “sorry aren’t you the same guy from before”

The string replies “I’m a frayed knot”

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Some people think sperm just magically travels to the penis when in reality there's a whole duct to transport them...

It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between the two.

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Your mom so fat..

Her favorite necklace is the food chain

Edit: Thanks /u/Ferl74!

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I’ve been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing.

The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.

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What's a mathematician's favourite kind of boob?

Quantitties

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