If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,

'Mark has read'.

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I see why Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween,

They must dislike random people coming up to their doors.

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I love the way the earth rotates

It really makes my day.

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American healthcare.

That’s it. That’s the fucking joke.

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A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.

"Why son?" The dad asks. "Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

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What's the difference between a radius and a diameter?

A radius.

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Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today...

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