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Thứ Năm, 4 tháng 10, 2018

A gay man, a straight woman and a programmer are stranded on a deserted island.

During the first night, the gay man goes to the programmer and tells him they should kill the woman so he could have a normal sex life.

The second night, the woman goes to the programmer and tells him they should kill the gay man so she could have a normal sex life.

The third night, the programmer kills both the woman and the man so he could have normal sex life.

A Gentlemanly Bragging Contest

An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were discussing the wonderful screams that passion can evoke . . .

The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for two minutes."

The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special perfumed aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for three minutes."

The Englishman said: "That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"

The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

They say if you have a big car you have a small dick and if you have big shoes you have a big dick...

No wonder people are so afraid of clowns

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife

She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg...

You could hear them say:

 
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol IS a solution.