What do the twin towers and gender have in common?

There used to be 2 of them and now it’s a touchy subject

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An employee is absent.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee was absent without giving any prior notice. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the little voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the neighbours," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive."

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

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My girlfriend got upset when I called her a plateau...

...but that’s the highest form of flattery.

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A beautiful woman went to a gynecologist.

The doctor took one look at the woman and all of his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.

After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so, he asked her, 'Do you know what I am doing?'

'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.'

'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts. 'Do you know what I am doing now?' he asked.

'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer.' 'Correct,' replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient, and started having sexual-intercourse with her. He asked, 'Do you know what I am doing now?'

'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting herpes, which is why I came to see you in the first place.'

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How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

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Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had fours doors they would be chicken sedans.

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As a scarecrow, people say I'm out standing in my field...

But hay, it's in my jeans.

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