The One Place in the US Google Earth Stopped Mapping

The One Place in the US Google Earth Stopped Mapping
For eight years, Google Earth didn't update its satellite image of a military installation in Nevada. So we bought one ourselves.

October 24, 2018 at 10:54PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2D34kuw

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Let me tell you how I became a millionaire:

First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.

Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.

With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each.

Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each.

Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

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A man walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death."

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself."

The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"

The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."

The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.

A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.

"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.

"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please

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What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger remembers the lyrics to Africa

Toto recall

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I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

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A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes home early...

"Quick, hide!" she says, so the man grabs his clothes and jumps into the closet. The man hears the hushed voice of a young boy.

"Sure is dark in here."

"Indeed it is," the man responds.

"I have a baseball," says the boy.

"That's nice," he says.

"I'll sell it to you for $50."

"$50? That's a little steep for a baseball, son."

"Well, my dad has a shotgun. Wanna see that?"

"Tell you what, you have yourself a deal," says the man, and he pays the kid $50.

A week later, the man and the woman are having sex, when once again the woman's husband comes home early. Grabbing his clothes, the man jumps into the closet.

"Sure is dark in here," says the boy.

"Oh, it's you again."

"I have a baseball glove."

"Alright, how much do you want for it?"

"$700."

"$700? That's absurd!"

"Well, my dad has a shotgun. Would you rather see that?"

"Alright, alright, $700," so he pays the kid.

That Sunday, the father says to his son, "Go get your mitt, let's throw the ball around."

The boy says, "I can't, Dad. I sold my ball and glove."

"For how much?" he asks.

"$750."

"$750? Son, it's wrong to rip off your friends. I'm taking you to church for confession."

They drive to church and the boy kneels in the confession booth.

"Sure is dark in here," he says.

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

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My mum used to say that the best way to a mans heart was through his stomach

She was a good woman... Terrible surgeon though

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