Why does Mr. T drive a Tesla?

Because he pities the fuel.

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

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I wanted to be an anti-vaxxer for halloween

but I just couldn’t fit my head that far up my ass

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For Halloween, a classmate dressed up as a stormtrooper and shot up the school.

Don’t worry, no one got hurt.

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Did you know Paul walker had real bad dandruff before he died?

Nobody else knew until they found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

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I had a vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant..

..but apparently all it does is change the colour of your baby.

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I'm gonna be turning my lights off this Halloween and pretending I'm not in.

Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules

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