the carpenter who was nailed to some wood
Thứ Tư, 7 tháng 11, 2018
A nun sits outside a pub in Ireland...
A man walks up to the pub and is about to go into it when the nun starts shouting. "BEFORE YOU ENTER THIS DEN OF SIN, THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER!"
He said back to the nun. "They're dead, they're dead and in heaven"
The nun went for a different tack and said. "Think then! Think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"
"What? Whatever are ye talking about? Have you ever had a drink?"
And the nun said no.
"Well how the hell can you stand there and talk about the damage the alcohol is gonna do to your brain if ye never had it? I tell ye what, I'll go in there, buy ye a drink, take it out here, you can try it and if you don't like THEN ye can talk about it. But don't talk about things ye've never experienced. What will ye have?"
And the nun says. "I don't know, what do ladies drink?"
"Gin"
and she says "Alright I'll have a gin. But get it in a cup so nobody will notice."
The fella goes into the bar and says to the barman "Get us a pint of beer and a double gin in a cup."
The barman replies "Ah fer christ's sake is that bloody nun out there again?"
The Stranger In The Shelter
The Stranger In The Shelter
Told here in full for the first time, this is the horrifying story of the first murder on the Appalachian Trail, the kidnapping that followed and how one woman learned to survive.
November 6, 2018 at 09:09PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2qxJFq8
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass......... It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!
3 gay sailors
Sailor: Captain! Captain!
Captain: Yes Sailor?
Sailor: I think we have 3 gay sailors on board!
Captain: How would you even know that?
Sailor: Well I sucked Jimmy's dick and it tasted like shit.
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