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Thứ Hai, 12 tháng 11, 2018

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.

Two lawyers went into a diner and decided to order drinks

They felt hungry after a long day so they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat them.

The owner frustratedly marched over and told them, “listen, you're not allowed to eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

A guy in North Korea is walking home after his day at work . . .

. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

"What did you do that for?" he asks.

"Curfew violation," the other guard says.

"Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!"

"I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it."

As a doctor, I am addicted to hitting my patients on their knees to test their reflexes.

I really get a kick out of it.

When it's rainy, Donald doesn't want to come

But when it's Stormy...