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Thứ Hai, 26 tháng 11, 2018
Tom's scrotum
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
(You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.)
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
(Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.)
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
(All the men sighed with unified relief.)
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife -- the word is sternum."
Cat Stares Down Bear Through Glass Door, Lets Everyone Know Who's Boss
Cat Stares Down Bear Through Glass Door, Lets Everyone Know Who's Boss
Never underestimate small animals. Especially when it's a territorial feline that isn't afraid to pounce first.
November 26, 2018 at 02:38AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2PSJTqJ
An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution
Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
Two women go on a night out...
Two women, Mary and Margaret, go on a night out, leaving their husbands at home. After a heavy night of Guinness, and while walking home through a large cemetery they both have a strong urge to relieve themselves. They each pop a squat behind a bush, and after doing the deed Mary calls over "psssst, hey Margaret! How are you going to, you know, wipe your butt?"
Margaret tells her "I'm going to use my underwear and toss them away after, they're my cheap ones so I don't care!"
Mary has a think about it, but she is wearing her best Victoria's Secret panties and doesn't really want to throw them away, so after a lot of debate she very regrettably decides to wipe herself with a wreath from a nearby grave, and then the two continue home.
The following day, their husbands are sitting in the bar. One tells the other "hey bud, I don't think we should let our wives go out together any more. Margaret came home last night with no panties on"
The other tells him "you think that's bad!? My wife came home with a card in her ass saying 'from all the boys at the the station, we're going to miss you'! "
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