I watch it online, because I can’t afford it.
Thứ Năm, 6 tháng 12, 2018
A fisherman walks into /r/jokes...
A fisherman walks into /r/jokes where he meets a bartender. The bartender offers him a drink. The fisherman says he does not have money to pay, so instead he offers a trade-- if he can get the bartender to laugh at his joke, then the bartender should provide a drink for free. The bartender, a smug, old pirate of a man accepts. After all, he is a moderator of /r/jokes, so he has become very accustomed to not laughing.
The fisherman begins his tale. "Years ago, I set out on a whaling expedition, when a fellow sailor told me about the mystical golden fishing rod."
"Let me stop you right there" says the bartender. I can see where this is going. Golden rod. This is a sex joke. I've heard it before."
"No. It's not a sex joke" says the fisherman.
The bartender, fascinated, realizes that this may actually be OC.
The fisherman continues his tale. "There once was a mystical golden fishing rod that was said to be so powerful that anyone using it could catch any fish."
"Wait a minute" says the bartender. "I think you're in the wrong place. This sounds like the tale of Darth Plagueis. You want /r/prequelmemes down the street".
"No. It's not a prequel meme" says the fisherman.
The fisherman continues his tale. "One day, a little boy found the rod and used it to catch a lion fish. Neptune, god of the sea appeared. He was furious because the lion fish was his best friend. In retaliation, Neptune broke the rod into pieces, separating the rod and the reel. The little boy said 'Now I am sad'.
"Oh, come on!" said the bartender. "Hey, Sad. I'm neptune! You want /r/dadjokes. Don't waste my time".
"No. It's not a dadjoke" says the fisherman.
The fisherman continues his tale. "The boy took the pieces home, but they never worked again. Eventually, the rod was sold at a flea market, and the reel became the subject of many jokes."
The fisherman then asks "So, what did you think?"
The bartender, confused, looks up. "What? That's it?"
The fisherman nods.
The bartender, now, is very confused. It's OC, sure, but it doesn't make any sense.
He scratches his head and asks a question "What do you mean about the reel becoming the subject of many jokes?"
The fisherman says "I can't answer that here".
The bartender asks "Why not?"
The fisherman replies "The reel joke is always in the comments"
Uber Is Headed for a Crash
Uber Is Headed for a Crash
The notion that Uber, the most highly valued private company in the world, is a textbook "bezzle" — John Kenneth Galbraith's coinage for an investment swindle where the losses have yet to be recognized — is likely to come as a surprise to its many satisfied customers.
December 6, 2018 at 12:10AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2SwyPN4
I like to call random numbers and ask whoever answers if it’s the suicide hotline.
When they say no I yell,”GOD DAMMIT I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!” Then I fire my gun in the background and drop my phone.
Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 12, 2018
When I was 5 years old, I got a coal from Santa...
The next year I decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes...
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.
Slurring his words out of a misshapen mouth, he says "I want to be gorgeous,"
And so God snaps His fingers, and -boom!- he’s gorgeous.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line hears everyone else’s wish and starts laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."
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