(From my 8 y/o) What goes “Oooooooooooooooo”

A cow with no lips!

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My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.

She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again

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Nearly had sex with a Ladyboy last night...

Picked him up in a night club. He looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!.... That's when I thought "Fucking hell there's something wrong here"

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Me at age 10: "I wish I was a dog. They're always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!"

Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."

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A Killing Season

A Killing Season
Monsanto's new herbicide was supposed to save US farmers from financial ruin. Instead, it upended the agriculture industry, pitting neighbor against neighbor in a struggle for survival.

December 10, 2018 at 10:24PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2zThnLC

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I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels

But she didn't know I existed.

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Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

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