When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"
Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."
Thứ Tư, 19 tháng 12, 2018
A man walks into a bar with a Labrador.
He makes his way to the bar and orders a drink.
“I’m sorry, but we don’t allow dogs in here,” says the bartender.
“That’s my seeing-eye dog,” the man replies.
The bartender’s face instantly drops, knowing he made himself out to be a complete asshole.
“Oh God. I’m sorry. Here — your first two are on me.” He hands the man two bottles of beer.
“Thank you, I appreciate that.” The man and his dog make their way to a table near the front door and he grabs a seat.
A little while later, another man enters the bar with a chihuahua.
The first man stops him: “The bartender is going to give you shit about your dog. Tell him it’s your seeing-eye dog and he’ll feel so bad that he’ll buy your first few rounds!”
“Thanks!” replies the second man. He wanders up to the bar and orders a beer.
“I’m sorry, sir. We don’t allow dogs in here.”
“It’s my seeing-eye dog.”
The barender’s face wrinkles into confusion. He says, “Ehhh, I don’t think so. They don’t make seeing-eye dogs out of chihuahuas.”
“FUCK! They gave me a chihuahua?!”
Met an older lady at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for a 55, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said,"No. But it's my secret fantasy."
We drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, "Mom! you still awake?"
What is marriage really like?
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner... unannounced at 7:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
Wife: My hair and makeup aren’t done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pyjamas and and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?
Husband: Because he is thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!
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