Entertainment night at the senior home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Centre. After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show -Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket, a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch," said Claude, holding the watch high...

Read More

I spotted my ex girlfriend across the hall of the museum, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us....

Read More

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."  He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"...

Read More

Why did the black hole get arrested

It commited mass murder...

Read More

So I discovered that the creatures from avatar have come up with a new business idea.

They’ll let you rent a tribesman as a father figure over the Christmas period. I heard they’re being called For lease na’vi Dads...

Read More

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.

After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."...

Read More

My penis was in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Until the police came and removed me from the library....

Read More