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Thứ Bảy, 29 tháng 12, 2018

Two medieval instruments are having a conversation

"I'm a harpsichord." Says the first.

"I'm a lute." Says the second.

"No you're not!" Says the harpsichord. "You're that other string instrument!"

The second looks at him, shocked, and says, "Sir, are you calling me a lyre?!"

Two Arab guys move to the US, and they have a friendly bet as to who would become more “Americanized” in a year.

After a year, the first guy: I just dropped off my kids at baseball practice, and I’m taking him to McDonalds later.

The second guy: Fuck off, towelhead!

So I lost my job at the bank on my very first day...

An old woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I have an irrational fear of overly engineered buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter

Which sucks because he had a great fall

"Dad. Are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes, we arson."

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...

....but his brother Frank was a monster...