I wonder if it can still be used to a certain degree.
Chủ Nhật, 6 tháng 1, 2019
I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I didn't think anything of it and was about to shoot when the frog says "Ribbit. 9- Iron".
I looked around and didn't see anyone.
"Ribbit. 9-Iron."
I looked at the frog and it just stared back at me. So I put my other club away, and grabbed a 9-iron. Boom! I hit it 10 inches from the cup. I was shocked!
So I said to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog."
I decided to take the frog with me to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" I asked.
"Ribbit. 3-wood," the frog replied.
I took out my 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.
It was incredible. By the end of the day, I had golfed the best game of golf in my life. So I asked the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replied, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."
We went to Las Vegas, went to Caesar's Palace and the frog said, "Ribbit. Roulette."
When I got to the roulette table, the frog said, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6."
Now, this was a million-to-one shot to win, but by this point I trusted the frog completely. I put it all on black 6 and, amazingly, won! Tons of cash come sliding back across the table.
Suddenly I was a high roller. They put me up in the best room in the hotel. I looked at the frog down and said, "Frog, you've won me all this money and I am forever grateful. I don't know how to repay you!"
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
So I thought, "Why not? After all the frog did for me, it is a small price to pay." With the kiss, however, the frog turned into a gorgeous 17 year-old girl.
"And that, your honour, is how the girl ended up in my room."
A woman visits her husband in prison
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
Gotta love dad jokes
Wife: I have something I need to tell you, I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m Dad.
Wife: No you’re not.
A Man Driving Down The Street Sees a Penguin
Apologies in advanced for spelling and grammar as I’m on my phone.
A man is driving down the street and sees a penguin on the side of the road. Curious he decides to pull over and pick it up. About that time a local police officer sees the two of them and decides to pull behind him as he’s loading the penguin up.
“Just what do you think you’re doing with that penguin?” The officer demands
“I haven’t a clue what to do with him I just saw him on the side of the road and figured I’d pick him up” The man replied
“Well I suggest you take him straight to the zoo!” The officer suggested.
So the man agrees and takes off heading toward the zoo.
The next day the officer is at his post when he sees the same guy in the same car driving by with the same penguin. He immediately hits the flashers and pulls the man over.
“Hey pal I thought I made it clear yesterday to take this penguin straight to the zoo!” The officer stated
“Yeah we did that yesterday, today I’m taking him to the ball game”
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