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Thứ Tư, 9 tháng 1, 2019

My wife asked me if I’ve ever peed in the shower.

Me: Yes, twice, accidentally.

Wife: How do you accidentally pee in the shower?

Me: Well, sometimes I pee while I’m pooping.

Trump's gonna build the wall out of...

Hillary's emails. Nobody can get over those fuckin' things apparently

Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's components." Jim is skeptical, but intrigued.

Carl continues: "For the last five years, I've been swallowing pieces off my uniform. It's perfect, because the guards just think it's rats chewing on it."

So Jim asks, "Well, what does that have to do with me? How can I help?"

Carl says "Well, the pieces of fabric come out as individual fibers. I figure by this time next year, we'll have enough to fashion enough rope to get over the wall. I just need you to tie the fibers."

Jim, disgusted, says "You have got to be kidding me!"

And Carl says "I shit. You knot."

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Why eye contact is so powerful


Why eye contact is so powerful
The reaction when two people lock eyes in a crowded room is a staple of romantic cinema. But the complex, unconscious reactions that take place are anything but make believe.

January 8, 2019 at 08:47AM
via Digg https://bbc.in/2Fe2mIM

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?

Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.

Waiter: Rare it is.

They don't do the reverse cowgirl in Alabama.

You never turn your back on family.